There are times in your life when it becomes appropriate to “judge” other people in order to preserve and protect your own well being. It’s called holding people accountable for their own behavior. I’ve found that some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in life have come from some of the worst people I’ve ever met. I am grateful for what they taught me about life and would like to thank them for showing me what I don’t want and how I don’t want to be.
1. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t mean they can be trusted or deserve to be in your life. Ask yourself this, If they were not related to you, would you still want them around? If the answer is no, dump them. You do have a choice, blood is NOT thicker than water!!
2. When people show you who they are, believe them. Whether its disrespect, jealousy, betrayal, ungratefulness or a host of other dysfunctional qualities, dump and run. People who stand by you, support you and treat you with respect are worthy. Actions speak louder than words. When there is a conflict between what a person says and what they do, call them out. If they can’t come up with a legitimate explanation for being so contrary don’t accept lame excuses for bad behavior.
3. When people say things they later regret in the heat of the moment and beg for forgiveness later, they probably don’t have a very high level of emotional intelligence, can’t control their temper and you’re better off without them. This is a huge red flag of resentment and unforgiveness they just can’t seem to let go of. Say what you mean and mean what you say in every word you speak or don’t say anything at all.
4. People who say you “always do this” or “you never do that” live in extremes, keep score and are not capable of living in the now or letting anything go.
5. People who complain constantly about the circumstances or people in their life, but are not willing to take any action to change things. Everything in life is a choice. You can stay or you can go. Making changes may not always be easy. If your life really sucks try asking questions like “What Would It Take to get out of this situation” and the answer will come!
6. People who blame others for their problems will eventually find fault in you as well. Life is all about choices. Own yours and you have the power to change everything and anything. Ask yourself “What did I choose that created this situation I am in now”
7. People with addictions are typically bad news whether its sex, drugs or alcohol related. Anything that becomes a crutch and can’t be enjoyed in moderation should be a concern. Until that person is willing to change their life they will always be addicted to something. Save yourself!
8. People who cheat, whether they are married or in some other form of committed relationship, yet actively pursue the sex or relationships with others are bad news. If they don’t have the dignity or respect to end the relationship they are in, why do you think they would treat you any differently?
9. People who think it is ok to steal under any circumstance, should not be trusted. Whether its the Robin Hood Syndrome or otherwise, this is a red flag.
10. People who force their will on others in a passive aggressive way “better to ask forgiveness than permission” is again a sign of disrespect and should be considered a boundary issue.
11. When someone tells you something about them self, their beliefs, or goals in life that conflicts with your own morals, values or goals in life, accept them for who they are and honestly evaluate whether or not the reality of that situation is in your best interest. Don’t try to change them. Just be honest with yourself and others. If it’s not something you can live or will later hold against them, let them go. Sometimes you have to pass up something or someone good to make room for someone great.
12. When people accuse you of a certain behavior like cheating, lying, stealing without sufficient evidence, I’ve found that in many cases it is because they are projecting their own bad behavior upon you. If you know you didn’t do that and can’t seem to convince them of otherwise, Run away!
13. If they Love you one minute and Hate you the next with little grey area that is a red flag. These are the ones who can’t seem to get off the roller coaster. Any relationship that goes from one extreme to the next is dysfunctional. Don’t walk on eggshells!
14. Violence or abuse is never acceptable under any circumstance. Do not tolerate it, it will only get worse. This includes verbal abuse. “Just kidding” is not a valid excuse for undermining someone’s self esteem.
15. People who holds a grudge far beyond any reasonable circumstance especially if the offensive act was unintentional or not even your fault. The good news is, this person has probably already eliminated them self from your life!
16. People who get jealous of other peoples success or accomplishments or say mean things about what they must have done to get there. When you can’t be happy for someone else it sends failure your way thru the law of attraction.
17. People who judge others they know nothing about. “That child must be a babysitter brat” , “that woman dressed in designer clothing must have married a millionaire to have all that” wow, since you can tell all that just by looking at someone how about giving me the lotto numbers?
18. People who are selfish are usually self absorbed. They don’t have time to spend with other people, they don’t volunteer for things, they aren’t willing to share an abundance of resources, they don’t realize the more you give, the more you get in return. I’m a huge believer in paying it forward and doing things for other people who you know good and well could never pay you back. Giving your last dollar to someone, who needs it more than you do.
19. If someone makes a living or has a side business doing something illegal it’s probably not a good idea to become associated with them. The more you become involved in their activities the more you risk going to jail yourself. Not a good plan.
20. People who find the need to get even with others by saying or doing something mean, evil or wrong and use the other persons actions to justify what they’ve done are never going to stop. There will be no end to that battle.
21. People who only do things for others with unfair “strings attached” are not acting in your best interest. You shouldn’t have to “pay” for anything beyond its reasonable value. People who like to hold things over your head are score keepers. Bad news.
22. Ever confront someone about some seemingly minor common sense or common courtesy bad behavior that was getting out of hand and needed to be discussed such as “did you eat my lunch?” (when you know there isn’t any other suspect!) and it morphs into World War III complete with them packing up their stuff and returning everything you ever gave them into a neat little pile? Yea, you might be better off without them in your life!! This is a very immature person who over reacts and becomes defensive even though they KNOW they did it and it was wrong?
Life can exceed your expectations as long as you’re not willing to settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.